


Mistletoe

by Piper_Emerald



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Holidays, M/M, Mistletoe, Mutual Pining, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 09:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17057189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Emerald/pseuds/Piper_Emerald
Summary: When Connor suggested that Zoe throw a Christmas party while their parents were out of town as a way for her to act like an real teenager for once, he hadn't thought that it would result in the boy he harbored a secret crush on standing in his kitchen. Connor knows that this is awkward, and that they're both a mess, but what better time than the holidays for him to actually talk to Evan Hansen.





	Mistletoe

Surprisingly, throwing the party had been Connor’s idea. He’d noticed how stressed Zoe was, well everyone had. Their parents had even allowed the both of them to skip out on the family skiing trip because Zoe needed the winter break to focus on her college essays. That meant that the two of them had the house to theirselves, which probably was a big show a trust that Connor should be taking seriously.

Instead he wanted to set all hell loose.

His reasoning was that if Zoe took one night to actually have a fucking teenage rebellion then she’d be a little bit less tightly wound for the rest of the holidays. He hadn’t really expected Zoe to agree. He guessed that the idea of throwing Christmas decor over their house and making everyone sugar rushed on coco must have seduced her, because right now Connor was standing in the lamest secret party ever.

It was great.

It turned out that Zoe didn’t like most of the people in their school, so she’d only invited the people she found tolerable. These selected few were way too nice to reck the house or play loud music. It was hilarious, and some how not at all as horrible as Connor had thought it was going to be.

The idea had been one of the few self-sacrificial ones he’d ever had. Connor hated parties, he hated the people at their school, and he knew that if their parents ever found out that this happened they would most certainly blame him. Still, he was trying to be better at the whole older brother thing, so he was willing to fall on his sword. Now it seemed he had nothing at all to worry about as Zoe and her friends played Dance Dance Revolution and drank eggnog.

Connor knew most of the people here. He was okay with the ones he recognized. He figured that was part of Zoe being a good younger sister. She knew how much their peers got under his skin and made a choice not to include anyone who called Connor a freak behind his back.

Well, except for Jared Kleinman who was currently getting smoked by Alana Beck at the video game, but since he’d been the one to bring the eggnog in the first place Connor would let his annoying presence slide. Connor was fairly certain that he had Alana to blame for Jared’s presence, since he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Zoe say two words to the guy. He also probably had Alana to blame for the boy currently hover in his kitchen doorway.

“Sorry!” Evan Hansen managed to stammer out. “I was, um, I didn’t realize someone was in here. Sorry.”

Connor knew who Evan Hansen was. He’d known for longer than the first day of school, when he’d pushed him then signed his cast, but it was easier to think of that day as the day he started noticing Evan. Connor felt bad about that day. He felt bad that he’d flipped out at Evan twice, even if the second time he had been a little more justified. He felt bad that he still had that letter he’d taken from Evan tucked in one of his old books because it would be weird to give it back. And he especially felt bad that Evan Hansen knew he’d tried to off himself the next day.

Well, the whole school knew about that. Connor tried not to think about that bit too much. Evan was one of the few people who hadn’t started treating him completely differently after that. That being said, Evan rarely interacted with Connor at all, but every so often he’d catch his eye in the hallways or one of the few classes they shared.

He didn’t look away as fast as Connor thought he would. Sometimes he even waved. That was kinda nice. It wasn’t like having a friend, but it was nice. And Connor had needed something to latch onto.

He’d also reread that letter when he calmed down a bit and recognized how much it reminded him of the note he’d never ended up actually scribbling down. Then he’d noticed how blue Evan’s eyes were, and how cute that tiny smile was, and suddenly it was very hard to say that he hated everyone who went to their high school.

Maybe it wasn’t Alana that he had to blame for Evan being here. Maybe this was Zoe’s second part of being a good little sister. He could just see her thinking how smart it would be to invite her older brother’s awkward gay crush over and hope that they wouldn’t completely fuck up talking to each other.

“You need something?” Conor asked.

“No,” Evan winced. “I mean, I’m fine, I was just looking for something.”

“Yeah,” Connor felt a smile threatening to spread on his face. He kept it away. It would probably be creepy to start grinning at this point. “What were you looking for?”

“Water,” Evan blurted. “It’s just that there’s just eggnog and soda out there, and I think Jared spiked the soda, and I’ll kinda be in big trouble if I come home drunk, not that I’d get drunk just because I’m thirsty.”

Connor had no idea what to say or do as he watched this kid blabber a mile a minute. It would have been funny if Evan didn’t seem so uncomfortable. It took a second for Connor to realize that maybe it wasn’t because he was talking to Connor, but just because he was talking. Maybe this was what Evan was like 24/7. And that was kinda fucking sad.

“And, yeah,” Evan looked like he was about ready for the ground to swallow him. “I, um, do you guys have water?”

“Yeah,” Connor answered before Evan could launch into another tangent. “We have water.”

“Cool,” Evan said sheepishly. “Could I have some?”

“Yeah,” Connor let himself smile now. “Yeah, you can have some of the water.”

“Thanks,” Evan chirped out.

Connor made himself busy with pulling one of the glasses from the cupboard and filling it. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say here or if he was just supposed to hand Evan the glass and then leave. He probably looked weird just standing in the kitchen anyway. Connor was only here in the first place because he didn’t want to wait out the end of the party alone in his room, but joining it would be too weird.

“Thanks,” Evan said again when Connor handed him the glass.

“No problem,” Connor uttered. “It’s Evan, right?”

Connor hoped that pretending he didn’t know this kid’s name made him seem less creepy and not just like an asshole. In reality he knew a lot about Evan, but Evan knew nothing about him. Well, nothing aside from the fact that he’d tried to off himself, and that he got caught smoking in the school parking lot on several occasions, and that he’d thrown a printer at a teacher back in second grade.

Now that Connor thought about it, everyone knew everything about him. Only it was all the bad shit. Not that their was any good shit to begin with. God, why was he such a mess?

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I’m, uh, I don’t think I’m supposed to be here.”

“What?” Connor blinked at him. That wasn’t what he’d expected to hear.

“It’s just,” Evan look like a deer caught in headlights.

Maybe he always looked like a deer caught in headlights and Connor just didn’t talk to him enough to know. Damn, that made him feel even more like a creep. He spent so much time thinking about this kid that he’d spoken to all of two times.

“I don’t think your sister meant to invite me,” Evan blurted. “Not that I’m not glad she did. I am, glad that she did, I mean. But like, we’re not really friends, and Jared said it’d be rude not to come, and I don’t want to be rude, and I did want to come but now that I’m here it’s just—I don’t think I’m supposed to be.”

“She didn’t invite you on accident,” Connor said.

“Oh,” Evan rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s, um, good to know.”

“You know if you feel out of place you can always just leave,” Connor added.

“Jared’s my ride home,” Evan told him. “And I don’t want to leave! I mean, I do but—”

“You wanna be here, but you don’t,” Connor finished. “I get it. It doesn’t make sense, but I get it.”

“Sorry,” Evan uttered. “Um, Connor?”

“Yeah?” Connor wasn’t sure why Evan was still standing here with that empty cup of water in his hands.

“Why are you in the kitchen and not the party?” Evan asked.

“Because I also don’t want to be here but don’t want to not,” Connor stated.

“Oh,” Evan gave a small laugh but seemed to immediately regret it. “Sorry.”

“You say that a lot,” Connor stated. He’d noticed that before. Whenever Evan got called on in class he always sounded like a mess, but never seemed to run out of apologizes.

“Sorry,” Evan stated again.

This was awkward. Connor guessed he shouldn’t have expected it not to be. It wasn’t like they really knew each other. At least Evan didn’t look scared of him. Connor honestly wouldn’t have blamed him if he was after the mess that was the first day of school.

“Hey, so,” Connor cleared his throat. “You remember the first day of school this year?”

“Yeah,” Evan’s eyes widened slightly. “About that—”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Connor knew that the words weren’t enough. He was a complete jerk, but at least he was trying to make that better. “And took your letter.”

“It’s okay,” Evan said quickly. “About the letter—”

“I know you didn’t write it to make me freak out,” Connor added. “I read it again when I got home, and, yeah.”

“The bit about Zoe,” Evan spoke up. “It, um, it didn’t mean anything.”

“It’s okay,” Connor told him. “If you like her, I mean, you seem like a nice enough guy.”

And he had about as much of a chance with Zoe than Connor had with Evan. That was the irony of all of this, and the part he’d left out when he’d let her know about his feelings.

“I don’t like her,” Evan blurted. Connor watched him wince immediately after. “I mean, I like her, she’d nice and all, but I don’t, you know—I don’t feel that way about her. I thought I did, but—I mean, I don’t even know her.”

“You need to learn to breath,” Connor stated.

“Yeah,” Evan mumbled. “I’m not that great at that.”

“So,” Connor cleaned his throat. “Just so we’re clear, and not because I give a fuck. you’re saying you don’t have feelings for my sister?”

“Not really,” Evan nodded.

Connor hated the tiny spark of hope that lit in his chest at that. Not liking Zoe was far away from being even remotely interested in him.

“And I’m sorry about the first day of school too,” Evan added. “For the laughing thing. I didn’t mean to but I know it looked like I was laughing at you.”

“It’s okay,” Connor told him. “I shouldn’t have pushed you. That was an over reaction.”

“Yeah,” Evan smiled slightly. “It’s okay, though. I figured you were dealing with a lot.”

“Yeah,” Connor sighed. He hated being reminded that everyone thought they knew what he was going through. “So, we’re good then?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “We’re good.”

“Cool,” Connor grinned.

* * *

Evan was fairly certain that he was about to pass out. He had no idea why he’d listened to Jared. Not once in his entire life had Jared given him a decent piece of advice, but for some reason his stupid self had let a half drunk Jared send him into the room they were certain Connor Murphy was hiding, with the brainless plan to somehow hint that he just might think he was really attractive and want to actually spend time with him.

Now what? Now what was he supposed to do?

At least Connor was smiling. That was something that Evan didn’t think he’d get to see. Connor had a nice smile. Evan wondered if he was aware of how just the simple turn of his lips could brighten up the entire world. He didn’t understand how anyone could look at Connor and see only darkness when that much light was hiding inside him.

“What?” Connor’s voice broke through Evan’s train of thought.

Oh God. He’d been staring. Of course he’d been staring. Connor probably thought he was crazy. Or worse he thought Evan was judging him. That was the last thing that Evan wanted Connor to think.

“I, um,” Evan needed to say something. He needed to say something but he couldn’t think straight when Connor was looking at him like that. Connor was looking at him like he saw him.

“You sure you didn’t have any of the eggnog?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I had a little,” Evan said out loud because he was a complete idiot.

“Wow, rebel,” Connor laughed. He actually laughed and it sounded really nice.

“You have a nice laugh,” Evan said out loud because he was a complete idiot.

“What?” Connor was staring again.

“Sorry!” Evan wanted to die. He wanted to floor to swallow him.

“Are you messing with me?” And suddenly all of the joy was gone from Connor’s face. Of course Evan messed it up. Because he couldn’t just actually talk to Connor and maybe get him to think that he was a little bit less of a nervous wreck.

“No,” Evan said quickly, because he’d already dug himself this hole. “I mean it.”

“That’s a weird thing to say to someone,” Connor informed him.

“Sorry,” Evan said again.

“Don’t be,” Connor winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean weird as in weird. Or, I guess I did. Shit. Sorry, I’m not good at this.”

“Me neither,” Evan knew that Connor was already fully aware. “I just meant, it’s nice to see you laugh. You usually seem angry all the time.”

“I am angry all the time,” Connor stated.

“Are you right now?” Evan chanced asking.

“I don’t think so.” A small smile formed on Connor’s face. “You wanna go back to the party? I’m pretty sure I could cream Kleinman in whatever game they’re playing.”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “Watching you beat him actually sounds fun.”

Evan followed Connor out of the kitchen. He walked a step behind him, his mind replaying the conversation they’d just had and how it honestly could have gone worse. It could have gone a lot worse. All things considered, that was better than Evan thought he would have been at actually talking to the boy he secretly harbored a giant crush for.

And then Connor stopped walking and Evan walked into his back.

“Sorry!” Evan exclaimed as a reflex, but Connor wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at the ceiling where a red and green plant was currently hanging over them. “Is that—”

“Mistletoe,” Connor uttered.

Evan felt himself freeze. This was his own fault for thinking this has just gone well. What was that saying his mother used to always recite back to him when he was a kid? Don’t count your chickens before they hatch? That always made him a little bit uncomfortable, thinking about unhatched eggs and everything that came with that.

But chickens was not what he was supposed to be focusing on right now. It wasn’t anywhere near what he was supposed to be focusing on. Not when Connor was standing less than half a foot away from him, still looking at they ceiling.

“I hate my sister,” Connor groaned.

“Oh,” Evan didn’t know what else to say.

“Of course she fucking did this,” Connor said angrily. “Because throwing the most fucking cliche hint is actually going to do anything. Because it’s that fucking easy for me to act on a stupid crush, it’s not like she even fucking considered that you obviously don’t like me back. I mean, Jesus Christ, this is—”

And then Evan did something he never thought that he would be able to do. He leaned in and silenced Connor by placed a quick kiss on his lips. He drew back in less than a second. Connor just stared at him, a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“I, um,” Evan sheepishly pulled at the hem of his shirt. “I actually do like you back.”

And then they were both laughing. And then they were kissing again. This time it was deeper. This time Evan let Connor take charge and closed his eyes and enjoyed than somehow this was actually happening.

* * *

“Did it work?”

“Shut up, Jared! You’re gonna blow our cover!”

“We’re hiding under a table, this doesn’t count as cover. Did it work?”

“Duh. My plans always do.”

“You’re kinda evil, you know—”

“Fuck, they see us! Run!”

**Author's Note:**

> Me once again disappearing for several months and coming back with a cheesy holiday fic? More likely than you think.


End file.
